then again.

then again, i took a step and marched out to the crossroads where i stood, pondering, a thousands times, maybe. that should i proceed or should i stay.

that night, the splits paths between the crossroads were clear. though it was a painful and scary decision, i pour it all out, hoping that what i chose is correct. i guess we both tried to salvage it, but it just didnt work out. the process was of course a bittersweet one but i guess, i was just tired to try it out over and again. no one is perfect, we just have to compromise and compliment each other. i guess i was the lazy one, i flagged out after a run of 5 yrs. yeah, im in tears now, freaking 5 yrs, from a hot headed dreamy teenager, i now grown up to be an adult working and having thoughts about future. it sometimes scares me to think too much but i guess growing means that we have to learn to take care of ourselves and know whats the better way of handling certain issues.

never do i ever like heart breaks, cause its one thing that i'm not sure how to deal with, how to heal it and how long its gonna take to ease the pain. that, i really do hate it and more then often, i always hope that heartaches can be cured by chocolates. lol!

dear blog, here i am again, ranting heartaching stuff to you again. for the next dont know how many many times, i guess i wld secretly roll back here and rants again. else twitter wld be my next best choice.

i think, being angry now, makes my flow of writting not-so-smooth as well, like now, i tend to write things as and when the thoughts come into my mind. thought its just a small matter, but i duno, some how or rather, it cuts much in me. i knw that was a childish option, but i was so sure and desperate the you didnt leave that night. i really do, i really do try to tell myself that it wasnt sucha big deal, but then again, if it was a small matter and i was crying, screaming over the phone and so desparate for you not to go and you left, it really hurts me and do set me into thinking that, is it really gonna work out for the rest of my life with you. i really wonder. then again, of all people, you were so anixous that i shld have my meal and when i changed my mind and said that i wanna eat, you shot me and said im contridicting myself, twice, the chance was gone and you were being diffcult. must you be so diffcult and must u contridict yourself too? since you want me to eat so much. and i told u im tired not wanting to go ur place, u shld already offer to go out and eat with me. sighs. all is gone said and done. i know you tried ur best to come back and talk things out, but the bottom point was i wanted you to stay, and yet you left, cause wad? you feel ps? though you claim that its more then ps, i cant help but to think thats its all your ego, u ps to leave ur frens, so u left me. uh huh. i knw you tried to explain not but your actions proves other wise.

to you who broke my hearts more then once, im sorry, i really cant help it. we are both so hurt, but i feel for myself, i have had hurt more then once, i feel its enuff already.

i truly wanna still be your friend, maybe its kinda hurtful now, but i know for onething, u're gg sch and work soon, u will meet more people and by then you will be able to heal btr and faster.

lets hope the best for us both!