then again.
5:46 AM
then again, i took a step and marched out to the crossroads where i stood, pondering, a thousands times, maybe. that should i proceed or should i stay.
that night, the splits paths between the crossroads were clear. though it was a painful and scary decision, i pour it all out, hoping that what i chose is correct. i guess we both tried to salvage it, but it just didnt work out. the process was of course a bittersweet one but i guess, i was just tired to try it out over and again. no one is perfect, we just have to compromise and compliment each other. i guess i was the lazy one, i flagged out after a run of 5 yrs. yeah, im in tears now, freaking 5 yrs, from a hot headed dreamy teenager, i now grown up to be an adult working and having thoughts about future. it sometimes scares me to think too much but i guess growing means that we have to learn to take care of ourselves and know whats the better way of handling certain issues.
never do i ever like heart breaks, cause its one thing that i'm not sure how to deal with, how to heal it and how long its gonna take to ease the pain. that, i really do hate it and more then often, i always hope that heartaches can be cured by chocolates. lol!
dear blog, here i am again, ranting heartaching stuff to you again. for the next dont know how many many times, i guess i wld secretly roll back here and rants again. else twitter wld be my next best choice.
i think, being angry now, makes my flow of writting not-so-smooth as well, like now, i tend to write things as and when the thoughts come into my mind. thought its just a small matter, but i duno, some how or rather, it cuts much in me. i knw that was a childish option, but i was so sure and desperate the you didnt leave that night. i really do, i really do try to tell myself that it wasnt sucha big deal, but then again, if it was a small matter and i was crying, screaming over the phone and so desparate for you not to go and you left, it really hurts me and do set me into thinking that, is it really gonna work out for the rest of my life with you. i really wonder. then again, of all people, you were so anixous that i shld have my meal and when i changed my mind and said that i wanna eat, you shot me and said im contridicting myself, twice, the chance was gone and you were being diffcult. must you be so diffcult and must u contridict yourself too? since you want me to eat so much. and i told u im tired not wanting to go ur place, u shld already offer to go out and eat with me. sighs. all is gone said and done. i know you tried ur best to come back and talk things out, but the bottom point was i wanted you to stay, and yet you left, cause wad? you feel ps? though you claim that its more then ps, i cant help but to think thats its all your ego, u ps to leave ur frens, so u left me. uh huh. i knw you tried to explain not but your actions proves other wise.
to you who broke my hearts more then once, im sorry, i really cant help it. we are both so hurt, but i feel for myself, i have had hurt more then once, i feel its enuff already.
i truly wanna still be your friend, maybe its kinda hurtful now, but i know for onething, u're gg sch and work soon, u will meet more people and by then you will be able to heal btr and faster.
lets hope the best for us both!
post number 192
9:42 AM
i'm so bless with nice people around me. patience people, understanding people, friendly people and many nice people around. i'm thankful for what god has given me, really am! =)
and i know deep down, my prayers are heard, i know i'm taking steps towards my dreams! =)
dream man too! lol!
I so believe it in
7:03 AM
"Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve"
I'm so believing in this, im conceive and weaving up my thoughts, currently slipping into daydreaming mode for years. just to weave up my 'wildest' dream.
i pray and i hope, i conceive and i think about it day in day out, that the coming year, 2010, i am achieving it. =)
with love and faith, i know i will archieve my goals =)
look at moi
8:06 AM
hi diary,
feeling kinda upset lately. i felt neglected and sort of misunderstood.wont the person just listen abit more to me, pay a little bit more attention to me? recently, i felt that we probably have just drifted further. i duno why, probably im not as a fun person to be with?not that entirely understanding, or which ever it may be. i tried my best to amend the difference but i guess i aint that cool enuff.
i wanna things to go back to the way it is. i duno have i said or done anything wrong. probably i just shouldnt be so proactive. it may appear that we all shld always talk things out, it may seems that its is good to talk it out but it aint so if the other party isnt on the same frequency as you. i just wanna know where have we gone wrong. we are so so distant already. i dont want it to be that way. tell me whats wrong so i wouldnt feel so upset.
after this incident, i think i wouldnt wanna care so much, i wouldnt wanna be so real if i know it will sour up us. if only you would understand me more and see from my side of view. of late things have kinda changed. i think we shld cool off abit, i hope u will contact me.
probably its not always so good to be str forward to someone u love and trust. i think.
well, i guess only time can heal and probably push things back on track. i just hope for the best. i will do my best to do whatever i can. thats what i can do now.
pls dont have a misconception of me, im not what you or others think i am. stop looking down on me, i know im not that of an interesting person, not that of a smart ass or charmy dreamy girl. but i a person who would show my care and corncern in another way. maybe to you its not enuff but i really did put in effort to do so. all i can say is i always put in extra effort but just that i didnt show it out, some things that i do for you may seems simple but it aint so simple after all. its like an opportunity cost?
whooo hoo! enough of rantings and the teary woossy entry! im feeling so much better now and i know things will go to the better soon. its just the normal tough and growth period. yeah yeah endure it and i will get through it!
loveeee!
to think to write to understand
5:06 AM
i hope i have made a right decision!
what my birthday means. psst this sure made my day!
9:31 AM
May 15, 1985
Lucky Color: Maroon
Personality Strengths: Charisma, Longevity
Personality Weakness(es): Weak-heartedness
Successful Career Path: Fashion
Sense of Humor Style: Dry
Adjectives to Describe You: strong, enterprising
Also born on May 15: Meet them now
Description:
Sweet and sexy - you surely do add a bit of spice to everyones life! People love to associate with you - and
whooo hoo! so ladies, wad do u think, does it really reflect on me? lalalala
oh no!
9:15 AM
ohh nooo!
pan dont tell me you...
LOL!
mj!
erase it!
8:51 AM
omg omggggggggg omgggggg omg!!
erase it from my memory!
lol.
my ranting area
7:27 AM
woah. looks like i only come crawling back to my blog when i'm not in my best of mood.
furiously typing on the keyboard and pressing the back space key had been my forte for the past few mins. thinking, breathing hard and angrily regretting what i have done to myself. For, i have forcefully forced myself to shallow a slice of mooncake (or 2 i think) which made me feel incrediably full and FAT. freakkkk, i so so freaking full and fat now. while sitting down so, trying to calm myself down while typing, my stomach acts as an invisible tyre, hugging ard me. i hated this feeling! i hope my fat tummy would be tonned soooon! i mean like in 3 secs or so i hope. LOL. lipo lipo lipo!
i think the reason now for not being an anorexic is because i have wonderful frens, always cheering me up and pushing the touts of hugging a towl bowl (lol, yeah i wont do that)
alritey, i so hope i can jog tmr. and i hope that lol "add me" works! (pan u kne wad i mean)
lalalalalala
till den, i shall dream on and pray on!
